(written May 2007)
part I: preoccupied
A beautiful young lady hops into the microbus and sits beside me.
“Excuse me miss, could you board this microbus at the exact same time tomorrow evening?,” I ask her.
The lady is confused.
“Could you?”
“sorry…..i do not understand…..”
“I am a little preoccupied today..so your womanly charms won’t be able to get any of my attention…how about we try again tomorrow?”
part II: i meet her again
“Hi”. I heard a familiar voice in the microbus coming from the door. I turned. The same girl from yesterday.
“So you came…”. I was surprised. “Uncle could you please sit in the seat behind this one…We want to sit together,” I asked an elderly man sitting by my side.
“NO,” the man replied eyeing me and then the girl.
So she hopped in and sat in the seat behind me.
“Yeah!….you said you were preoccupied yesterday. I hope I can charm you with my womanly charms today,” she giggled, “You’re not preoccupied today, are you?”
“No….not at all…Hi! i’m BJ,” I extended my hand.
“I’m Sapna”. We shook hands. hmmmm..Soft and tender hands….
“I was taken by surprise yesterday. I thought you were mad or something…but later I realised, everybody’s mad,” she giggled her sweet giggle again. I noticed a faint dimple on her cheek.
By now I had turned my whole body in the seat to talk to her. “I don’t usually talk like i did yesterday. But I’ve gone mad lately,” I told her the truth.
“Tell me. I’m all ears”
“Are you sure we have time for this?,” I asked, “where are you getting off.”
“Last stop”
“Me too..half an hour…plenty of time,” I said looking at my watch.
“I’m going to tell my story to this girl. But i’ll keep it vague,” I thought.
part III: i tell my story
She relaxed in her seat..she was ready for my story.
“Love..”, I began.
“I knew it!!,” she shouted. I could see that the passengers around us were starting to feel very uncomfortable….
“Love…that beautiful wretched thing changed me…….Why are girls so charming?”
“It’s natural,” she smiled.
“But this is not fair…”
“Are you going to tell me your story or what,” she smiled brightly, her dimple clearly evident this time.
“cute dimple,” i said.
“Thank you…your story please,” she sounded flattered.
“You’re very frank, you know that?….and that’s very charming…..,” I added.
“Ya ya”
“No seriously”
“Will you start your story now?”, she giggled again. I swear I saw a spark in those eyes.
“Ok”
So, I told her my story…told her everything…i wanted to keep it vague but everything slipped out….
About half an hour later we were at the bus stop.”I’ll pay. Do you have an id card? Discount you know,” I asked her as I took out the money from my jeans pocket.
“No, i’m no longer a student…..and thank you.”
“HellO Dai!…Fare for two. One’s got card.”
“Card Please”
“I think I forgot my card at home!,” I grinned at her.
part IV: sh**
We got off from the microbus. We looked at each other.
“You want to go out for dinner sometimes?,” I asked boldly. I wasn’t afraid. Nobody was going to kill me.
“No”
*long silence*
“You wanna be friends?,” she asked suddenly, innocently.
“SURE!!!…why not!…count me in!!…where do i sign!!!…”
She giggled. She looked cute with her dimple.
THE END…..SH**!!!
Tags: Humor, Short Story
December 4, 2007 at 9:47 am
…the writing pattern looks exciting…seems like influenced by something or may be someone….contains enough sequence to be called the “good writing”…ahem!! ….good start for the future short story writer,,commercially I mean,,everything is commercial nowadays,,,thinking as well. I would love to read the continous follow up of this story,,may be weekly. I dont mind reading it daily though…
December 4, 2007 at 12:30 pm
It started off wonderfully till the authorial quote, which could be done without, for it is unwanted. I wonder, have you been watching My Sassy Girl lately?
The ’sh**’ portion doesn’t fit with the general tone. And what’s wrong with friendship anyway?!
December 4, 2007 at 7:19 pm
@Mutually Correlated:
Yeah, it was influenced by a few things. But the influences weren’t connected. Had to do some work to join them and make it into a story. And I would’ve loved to write follow ups to the above writing, but the story is over i’m afraid. But a lot of things happen in a public transportation, and hopefully there will be more such episodes in the future… would love to be a writer someday.
@radical hypocrite:
Those were very valuable suggestions. Obviously, the authorial quote did nothing more than interrupt the flow and mood of the story. The story would sound a lot better without it. I should have seen that. Thanks a lot…
…and nothing’s wrong with friendship. But maybe the protagonist of the story was expecting something more!… I wrote that ’sh**’ at the end, because that’s my style of communicating humor… but I’m just experimenting with my writing… there’s a lot to learn. Thanks for the suggestion. It was very valuable indeed…i’ll make some changes in the post after going through it again.
December 4, 2007 at 8:05 pm
@radical hypocrite: …and i’ll go to the movie rentals and get ‘My Sassy Girl’ soon!
December 5, 2007 at 1:42 am
Hey, you’re making a critic out of me!
This was truely an interesting read, believe me!
Will be watching out for more.
December 5, 2007 at 11:41 pm
//UPDATE/ removed authorial quote…but the sh** remains! ..woo, double meaning..love it when this happens..i feel clever now..
…and thanks for the blogroll.
February 15, 2009 at 8:21 am
@radical hypocrite: yep, you’re right… the ’sh**’ doesn’t sound nice there… couldn’t see that before!